Always There

A long time ago I wrote a blog called "light". It was a blog about looking to God during hard times, and remembering to do so; and I just want to re-instate that now in this blog post.
      I can remember saying, "When things are looking down in life, the last thing we think of doing is looking up." 
      And a few days ago I was lying in bed just thinking about this sentence. I know a few people this may relate to, and I know how easy it is to go on and panic, despair or be scared in a situation and completely forget to look to God for help, security and reassurance. 
Sometimes, we search for reassurance from other things during hard times, like addictions, approval from other people, etc. I know this myself all too well, but I've learned to come through that and  have 'trained' myself, almost, to make God my first port of call in all situations. I'm not saying it's easy - I'm really not - but I'm saying it's worth it! 

The reason the old blog was called "light" was because there's a song by Britt Nicole called "Feel The Light", and it's about letting go and feeling the light. 
      I feel like someone reading this right now, whether it's on the day I post it or a year later, needs to be reminded to look to God. Let go of the bad stuff, let go of your past, let go of someone keeping you from moving on, let go of addictions - let go of all that and feel the light God is shining down for you. 
      It's really, really easy to forget about God in bad situations, and I know that sounds terrible but we all know it's true. I think sometimes, our initial reaction is to panic, start to think the worst or over-think too much. A while ago, if a bad situation arose, I wouldn't think of praying; I'd think of panicking and worrying and turning to other things. 
      But now God has taken over all of that and He is always in my thoughts.

It's easy to praise God, think of Him and thank Him in good situations; but it's really hard to praise Him, think of Him and thank Him in a hard situation. But it doesn't have to be that way for you anymore; it doesn't have to be so difficult to live. You don't have to life this life alone - He is always with you. Even when you don't know it, even when you're not thinking about it, He is there. Try to never forget that, and try to let it all go. 
      Leave it all behind and come to Jesus. Whatever is on your heart or on your mind right now, let it go, and feel the light. I don't know what you might be facing, but God does, and He's here; He's with you. 

Isaiah 43:2
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. (NLT)


Search for him in the darkest times, search for him and feel the light when everything is falling apart... find him on your knees. All it takes is one little bit of Jesus to bring hope where you are... he's coming straight for your heart, tonight, right now. Believe it and take hope because He is here. 

Psalm 31:24
Be brave. Be strong. Don’t give up.
 Expect God to get here soon.


 

 Kari Jobe - Find You On My Knees

Britt Nicole - Straight For Your Heart

Trust Him

I feel like sometimes we're begging God to change a situation and wondering why He isn't doing so. I know this more than anyone; I know that it can feel like God is just ignoring you and refusing to answer you. Sometimes I've felt almost abandoned, because in the bible it says "ask and you shall receive"; so I ask, but then God seems to ignore me. And then I start to get frustrated and confused and it's really not great at all.

But something I've truly come to realise is the fact that God is always in control. That fact has been going through my mind like crazy these past few weeks, and that's because God knows I need reminding of it every single minute of every single day, especially at the moment.

I was praying the other night and just wondering why everything seems to be going wrong. We've been praying/prayed for more than ever over these past few months and nothing seems to be changing. 
But then God just said to me, "I'm not changing this situation yet because you still have things to learn. I'm in control." And I was sitting there like, "God, I've learned everything now, I don't think I can learn much more"... but obviously God knows better than I do, so I'm just running with that. I trust him now more than ever, which is ironic because the enemy is truly trying to get in and ruin us, but all that it's doing is getting me closer to Jesus. And I love that. And over these past few weeks, I've been filled with more joy than I ever thought possible - and that's in the midst of a really horrible storm!!

2 Corinthians 5:7:
For we walk by faith, not by sight. 

This verse has a new meaning for me now. 
I've finally learned that when I'm feeling out of control, I don't need to turn to other things to keep me feeling in control. All I need to do is turn to God and trust that He has everything under control. 

I feel like someone reading this right now needs to know to let go and trust Him. You've probably heard it a million times before, but I'm serious - trust Him. He might not be changing your situation now, when you feel you're ready, but just remember that through everything, God has perfect timing. He truly, truly does.
      In my head, I feel like I've learned everything I need to know and that I'm close enough to Jesus for my struggle to be over now, but in my heart I know that God still has things to teach me, and that's OK. I've learned to trust that that's OK.   
      If he's not changing your circumstances, trust that there's still things for you to learn; maybe He's trying to bring you even closer to Him. Don't lose heart in the fact that things are still difficult; take joy in the fact that Jesus is bigger than any struggle, and He is so, so amazing. He can break every chain, heal any disease or scar. Nothing is impossible when it comes to Jesus. (I love to claim that. A lot.)

So basically, the theme of this blog post is trust. I had no idea where I was taking this blog, but God seems to have my fingers moving like crazy on the keyboard right now!  
      Trust is a really hard thing for me;  but if I'm going to trust someone, it might as well be the God who is in control always and forever, and the God who loves us all so much. 

"Praise Him when your heart is breaking, 
when your strength is almost gone
Sing out your song
And praise Him, in the fire and fury
in the dark night of your soul
Your God is in control."    

Listen to this song if you're feeling even slightly discouraged. I promise it'll be worth it! 

Love always ♥♥♥ 

PS. Sorry I've been pretty much M.I.A for months, but like I said it's been pretty crazy over here.  

From The First Tear Cried

I love the thought that I've never been alone. Even when I thought I was the most alone a person could get, I never have been. Even during my struggles with many illnesses, family stuff, self doubt - I've never been alone. God has always been there. When I felt so far away from him, actually, he was right there next to me, keeping my head above water; stopping me from going under. 

I think we all have moments, maybe even days, maybe even weeks where we feel alone. It's a natural thing. But one thing I, and a lot of other people in my life, know is that we are never alone. 

All this time, from the first tear cried
'Till today's sunrise
And every single moment between
You were there, You were always there
It was You and I
You've been walking with me all this time

Ever since that day, it's been clear to me
That no matter what comes, You will never leave
I know You're for me
And You're restoring

Every heartache and failure, every broken dream
You're the God who sees, the God who rescued me.

This song kind of says it all, doesn't it? Everytime this song comes on, it reminds me God is always walking with me. I encourage you to listen to this song today and when you're feeling down or alone. He doesn't desert people, He won't forsake you. Every single moment, he's been there. 

Every single moment in my life has added up to who I am today. Being left out at school, being bullied, struggling with mental and physical illness, feeling inferior; they've all added up to create my story and create who I am. One day I hope to inspire with my story and music because I know what it feels to be left out from the crowd - I know how it feels to feel like everything is always going to be bad... but it won't be. It'll never always be bad and I want to share that with the world one day. 

There's a whole big life outside of school, outside of bullies, outside of illness, outside of pain. It won't last forever. We are made for more than hurting.

Open up your heart today and realise that God has always been with you, even though you felt so alone. Because, trust me, you're never alone when you choose to walk with Jesus. 

♥ 

Happy Birthday Blog!

It's a year ago yesterday that I started writing this blog. Can you believe that? My first blog was called Starting Out, and when I read it back I can't believe how different I was. I was worried that when I started my blog, people would read it and think I was weird. Now? I couldn't care less. I really, really don't care if people think it's weird.
      I love my blog - I love having a say in the world, sharing my thoughts, my story, my hope, my musings. It never fails to amaze me that people actually care to read what I have to say. How cool is that!? People have watched me grow through my words, my thoughts and my actions. Thank you so much if you've been reading my blogs - whether you've been here from the very beginning or since yesterday, I still really, truly appreciate it. 

My blogs used to be all about my musings and things I wanted to get out there. It was things that made me seem wise and in-the-know. But after a while, I decided I wanted my blog to be more personal. I wanted to share my story and make this an honest space people could come to and instantly feel like they know me like a friend; because, really, I'd love to be friends with all of you. 

This is just a short blog to thank you for joining me on my journey. I love sharing it with you all. I can't believe it's been a year! I've grown so much as a person and I'm so thankful for that. 

Lots of love to you all,

Ellie xxxx

You're Beautiful

Everywhere we turn nowadays, there's a latest diet trend, the latest way to dress "cleverly", the best way to conceal your body and make it appear "slimmer". We are bombarded with photos of these "perfect" women in every single magazine, TV advert, clothes stores, etc. It's so tiring, all these women looking the same in every single picture that is shoved in our faces. 
      The pressure on women/girls these days to be thin, or to look a certain way, is immense. It disgusts me how people link being slim with being happy. "Slim" and "happy" are not synonymous. They do not work together - "slim" is not something we need to be happy. 

I hate how we make losing weight and starvation such a fantastic thing in society these days. Women are constantly bombarded (I'm not saying it's just women, this is just my experience talking) with ways to "slim down" or something like that. 

I was reading a magazine the other day that said "Dress cleverly to improve your shape!" then, directly below it said, "learn to love your classic British figure!". 
      No.
     Just no.
      "Dressing cleverly" to "improve your shape" is not, by any means, loving your figure. How does that even make sense!?

As a teenage girl in this society, I'm very, very tired of people shaming their bodies. It's like, you're either beautifully thin/fit with abs and toned everything, or you're beautifully curvy. Magazines and media portray it as if these are the only ways to be. No - these are not the only ways to be. I am not thin or toned, but I am also not curvy. But that's OK.

Every single magazine I see is plastered with pages of how to lose a stone in two weeks, how to dress to make yourself look slimmer, etc, etc. But then, three pages forward, there's someone telling you to love yourself the way you are!! What are we supposed to think when we read these kind of things!? I just think it's appalling how women are so objectified - not just by men; by other women too! 
      We're expected to be perfect. We expect women in magazines to be perfect. And then, one day, a few celebrities come out without makeup and it's all over the gossip magazines: Who looks the ugliest without makeup? (Yes, I actually saw this once!), Think she's pretty? Think again! and so on. Isn't that horrible? - These people have feelings too, you know. Just because they're celebrities doesn't mean they don't get offended by these kinds of comments. 

It makes me sick when people shame any type of body or look. It's like, in our culture, we can't compliment one body shape without offending another. It's either, "Oh, here's how to be slimmer to make a happier you"; or "Curvy girls are REAL women". There's no in between. There's no way of being what society expects you to be. If you're thin, you're not "real". But if you're curvy, you're "fat" or "ugly". 
Um... in case no one's realised - ALL WOMEN ARE REAL WOMEN. OK? ARE WE MADE OF PLASTIC? DO WE LOOK FAKE? NO? OK, THEN WE'RE REAL. No matter what our shape or size, we're all real and beautiful. Don't ever let anyone tell you different - not even the magazines that promise you you'll be happier if you lose 30 pounds (FYI, you won't be happier).

Why can't we compliment people without offending other people? Why can't we make comments like, "Your eyes are beautiful", "I love your smile" or "you look so happy" instead of "I love your curves!" or "You look so slim!"? 

Come on, women and girls... we can prove that we're beautiful the way we are. God made us the way we are because he wanted us that way. He made us all different, didn't he? Exactly, so let's not try to be in this little fake, non-existent thing called perfection. Let's not try and make ourselves squeeze in to a size 10 just because someone tells us that's what makes us beautiful. Let's love ourselves in whatever state our bodies are in; whether we have bags under our eyes, pale skin, or anything else that society tells us is wrong. Let's love ourselves, even when the entire world are trying to tell us not to. 

All my life I’ve been striving for this thing called “perfection”. This is something I’ve seen in magazines, on TV, in books, even on the street. I think every girl or woman has that in them somewhere. I think we all want to be as beautiful as that singer in the magazine, or as beautiful as that woman on TV. It makes me so sad to see girls and even women that feel like this: young teenage girls striving for something that doesn’t really exist, for something that always seems unreachable (maybe because it is!). This thing that is flaunted in our faces everywhere we turn, everywhere we look. 

I think - I think - I've finally realised that perfection is not something we can achieve.  

And I think I'm one step closer to finally being free.

Courageous

Ever since this year has begun and I've been praying for this to be my year, I've been so in touch with God. 
I was lying down the other day listening to some music, and previously to this I'd been having so many dreams about dance. In all of my dreams I've been a dance teacher/choreographer, teaching modern and Ballet; and also a singer at the same time.
When I was lying down, I suddenly remembered this dream I'd had the night before, and a song called "Brave" came on to my iPod. Then a song called "Courageous" and a song called "Look Like Love". These are all songs that I listen to when I need some hope, or when I want to relate to something. Suddenly God was just there, with me, talking to me through these songs like he always finds a way to do. 

Just as I was like, "Jesus, what is happening!?", the song "This'll Be My Year" by Train came on. God was actually saying to me, "Ellie, I got you this year. Apply for that college. Keep going - I'm not gonna let you fall. This is gonna be your year." I suddenly felt like I could do things this year, like I would be OK; like my M.E. will work with me if I just trust in God. 

Ever since then, I've been seeing all these pictures over social networks of ballet dancers, and quotes from my favourite Britt Nicole songs over the top, or just inspirational quotes that just add to what Jesus said to me that day.  He's telling me to be courageous, to follow my dreams and what I want to do this year. I'm gonna trust in Him - that He will not let me fall in to the pits of my M.E. unless it's absolutely needed. 


This year, I want to be on fire for God. I want to be used by him; I want to dance; I want to sing. I'm being called in to music and dance. I just know it. 
      I want to live this year, not just survive. I'm hoping and praying that God will give me the energy I need to do this. All my faith is on the line here, but I'm being courageous. I don't want to be afraid this year. I want to live. I want to be courageous. 

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than the fear." 
  
I think that, maybe, just maybe, this year will be different. Maybe this year will be better.

Watch this space.  

Be courageous today. Be brave today. Be yourself, and love yourself, and do what you love. Let's do this, together. Let's be brave. 

How will you be courageous?


Love to you all, 
Ellie x