I've been looking back on a lot of old pictures recently and it was weird because I hardly recognised myself. Not just because I looked different but because I was so different in my self as well.
I used to be the kind of girl that wanted things to happen but never actually took action. I was the kind of girl who walked around apologetically with my arms folded and a mind that thought "please no one notice me". The kind of girl who said she didn't want to fit in, but actually, deep down, she really did. I was that girl at school who was picked on at secondary school for my weight and my voice and how I liked to do things. I used to just ignore it and walk on by.
I didn't like myself that much, but I enjoyed life. All I used to want was to be wanted by a boy and be in a cute relationship for years and then grow up to be married.
I didn't like myself that much, but I enjoyed life. All I used to want was to be wanted by a boy and be in a cute relationship for years and then grow up to be married.
It makes me smile very bittersweet-ly when I look back on these pictures. I smile happily when I think of the very little amount of issues I had back then, and also when I see all of the family together under one roof - all of us as happy as we can be. But then I also smile sadly because I realise that I'll never be able to go back, but then I kind of figure that even though those times won't come back, the memories will never leave. None of the issues I have in the present day can take away the fact that those times did happen and did exist.
The girl I am now is so much different, and in the past six months I have changed so much. I'm not even sure I know who that girl is from October 2012. I used to be so insecure, I used to hate change and I used to not know what I believed and what I didn't believe.
Now, I'm the kind of girl who can't live without a little bit of change in my life. I love changing things around. I'm still insecure, but isn't everyone? I like myself a lot more now, and when people hate on me about something, I'm no where near as bothered as I used to be! I'm facing a lot of changes every single day, even if I don't notice it. Things change for every one every second. It may sound like a bad thing, but you should embrace change rather than seeing it as something terrifying. God will never give you a situation that you're not strong enough to handle, so even if you're having to make a huge change in your life that you don't particularly want to make - just remember that there's a bigger purpose.
This is one thing I wish I knew back then.
One thing I also wish I'd to anyone who ever bullied me was the picture at the very top:
"I'm happy and I'm healthy and if you're hating on me or my weight then you obviously aren't." - Demi Lovato
Lots of love,
Ellie
x x x
Now, I'm the kind of girl who can't live without a little bit of change in my life. I love changing things around. I'm still insecure, but isn't everyone? I like myself a lot more now, and when people hate on me about something, I'm no where near as bothered as I used to be! I'm facing a lot of changes every single day, even if I don't notice it. Things change for every one every second. It may sound like a bad thing, but you should embrace change rather than seeing it as something terrifying. God will never give you a situation that you're not strong enough to handle, so even if you're having to make a huge change in your life that you don't particularly want to make - just remember that there's a bigger purpose.
This is one thing I wish I knew back then.
One thing I also wish I'd to anyone who ever bullied me was the picture at the very top:
"I'm happy and I'm healthy and if you're hating on me or my weight then you obviously aren't." - Demi Lovato
Lots of love,
Ellie
x x x
No comments:
Post a Comment