A while ago, I wrote a blog called "That Place", about how dance takes me to different world.
Yeah... I love every type of dance.
But the dance that will always have my heart is Ballet.
Two years ago, I had to make the decision to stop Ballet, because it was making my M.E. so bad. I was in year eight, just towards the end of April 2011, and I stopped with the thought that I'd be better in a year, which meant that I wouldn't have time to miss it that much.
But then a year passed... and another year... and here I am. Tears well up in my eyes whenever I see someone dancing a Ballet piece; I put my Pointe shoes on every day just to remember what it's like to wear them; I think of it all the time. I never knew I could miss something this much. I never expected it to be this way.
The power of dancing is incredible. You just move to the music, let it take you away, let your feet get tangled in a whirl of movements and relevés and pirouettes; let your heart get lost in the feeling of rising and falling and the heat of the stage lights. It's like, as soon as a piece of music starts, and you make that first movement... life makes sense again. The minute the teacher starts the music and you stand at the barre, doing painful Grande Plies, you forget about the pressures of life for a while and just remember how awesome it feels to be able to dance. To be able to feel your feet move, hear your heart beat, and create something so beautiful for yourself and other people, just by losing yourself in something.
I sometimes sit on my bed and stare at my Pointe shoes. They hang there, tied together at the ribbons, looking so shiny and beautiful and barely used. I only got to dance in these shoes for a few months before I had to quit, and they're only just broken in.
I keep my first pair of Pointe shoes in a safe place upstairs, because they mean so much to me that I don't want them to fade or get even more worn than they already are.
I remember how excited I was, when I went to buy them. The feeling of going up on to my toes for the first time - something I'd been dreaming of since my first class when I was just four years old - and then going to my first class and dancing En Pointe for the first time. My first real dream had come true... and I'll never forget that feeling. Never. I wore those Pointe Shoes to death.
Back then, I was insecure and hated school and always felt tired (when my M.E. was developing). But when I danced - when I went up En Pointe - I forgot about it all. Everything faded away.
Nowadays, things are different.
I can barely manage half an hour of dancing a week, and that's Modern dancing, which is a bit less physically taxing than Ballet (for me, anyway). I have to rest all afternoon before hand, and then rest all evening afterwards, but it's always worth it.
I'm so blessed that I'm only just able to manage this half hour, but I wish more than anything that I could do Ballet again. I miss it so much. It was my escape, my happiness, my life. And I never realised at the time how much it meant to me... but now that I do, it's too late.
Prayers would be really appreciated, because I've never missed Ballet so much and I need it more than ever at the moment. I was hoping to be able to do it for twenty minutes every other week this term, but my health isn't looking like I'm going to be able to.
I didn't realise how much Ballet meant to me until I had to stop.
If you have something that makes you happier than anything, make the most of it. Embrace it, love it, enjoy it and do it as much as you can!
Until next time,
Ellie xxxx
