Courageous

Ever since this year has begun and I've been praying for this to be my year, I've been so in touch with God. 
I was lying down the other day listening to some music, and previously to this I'd been having so many dreams about dance. In all of my dreams I've been a dance teacher/choreographer, teaching modern and Ballet; and also a singer at the same time.
When I was lying down, I suddenly remembered this dream I'd had the night before, and a song called "Brave" came on to my iPod. Then a song called "Courageous" and a song called "Look Like Love". These are all songs that I listen to when I need some hope, or when I want to relate to something. Suddenly God was just there, with me, talking to me through these songs like he always finds a way to do. 

Just as I was like, "Jesus, what is happening!?", the song "This'll Be My Year" by Train came on. God was actually saying to me, "Ellie, I got you this year. Apply for that college. Keep going - I'm not gonna let you fall. This is gonna be your year." I suddenly felt like I could do things this year, like I would be OK; like my M.E. will work with me if I just trust in God. 

Ever since then, I've been seeing all these pictures over social networks of ballet dancers, and quotes from my favourite Britt Nicole songs over the top, or just inspirational quotes that just add to what Jesus said to me that day.  He's telling me to be courageous, to follow my dreams and what I want to do this year. I'm gonna trust in Him - that He will not let me fall in to the pits of my M.E. unless it's absolutely needed. 


This year, I want to be on fire for God. I want to be used by him; I want to dance; I want to sing. I'm being called in to music and dance. I just know it. 
      I want to live this year, not just survive. I'm hoping and praying that God will give me the energy I need to do this. All my faith is on the line here, but I'm being courageous. I don't want to be afraid this year. I want to live. I want to be courageous. 

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than the fear." 
  
I think that, maybe, just maybe, this year will be different. Maybe this year will be better.

Watch this space.  

Be courageous today. Be brave today. Be yourself, and love yourself, and do what you love. Let's do this, together. Let's be brave. 

How will you be courageous?


Love to you all, 
Ellie x

Looking Back

On Saturday I performed at my Primary School's Country Fair. It was 25 degree heat and full of so much action. I met my best friend, Beth, who was with some of her friends from school and also one of our friends from primary school. It was always Beth, our other friend Carly and I at primary school. We were Triple-Trouble. 

It was the first time I'd been to that school in three years. 

As I was stood there, about to perform, it took me back to year 6 when I performed in the summer Fayre talent show back in 2009. 2009! I can't believe that's how long ago it was. I remember exactly how I was feeling that day because it was like a week before our last day, and the day after our last day we were headed off to Texas for two weeks. I was excited, nervous and sad all at the same time. 
      I wasn't nervous at all for performing back then, because these people at the school were my family and had seen me perform since I was tiny. But this time, I was so nervous, and I didn't realise why until I came home that day. I realised it was because so much had changed since I'd been there, and it all felt so different and almost unsettling to be there performing in front of people I only just recognised and barely knew anymore. 
      Even though I was nervous, as soon as I started singing I started getting comfortable. I spotted my God sister, Alice and her mum and dad sat there with huge smiles on their faces watching me. Then I noticed my friend and her friends watching me like they cared and then there was my mum and dad who just had that same "we love you" look on their faces they always do when I perform. I started settling in again, and it felt like I was back home. 
It was actually very emotional to be back there, performing, because everything had changed since the last time I sang there 4 whole years ago. It was all a whirlwind, but so nice to be back home where everything began and I started finding who I was.

Halfway through performing, 3 boys walked in, and I had to do a double take (which must have looked funny as I was singing!). It took me a few moments to realise who it was - three boys me and my two best friends used to be in a little "crew" with back in the year 6 days. They were so grown up, so tall and so different, but when we hung out together for a while afterwards I learned that they're still the same nice, crazy guys I knew back when I was 11. 

Looking back, I realise I was so different and so was everything at that school. But even though things have changed drastically, and we're all living our separate lives, I know that whenever we come back together or go back to the place we grew up, things just pick up where they left off. 
      I was talking to my God sister today and I was saying to her how my primary school years were the best years of my life so far. Its nice to know that I'll always have those memories to think back on to pick me up when I'm down. It's also nice to know that the people there, and the people who were there with me, will always be there to support me and welcome me back as if nothing changed.

Roundabouts and Rollercoasters

It suddenly occurred to me the other day that it's almost half term, which means I only have 7 or 8 weeks left of year 10 before summer starts. At first, I get exited and thank goodness that I'm almost one year closer to getting out of GCSEs and this stage in my life forever. But then I remember what I always used to say to mum when I first started playing The Sims. I would say to her, "Wouldn't it be cool if you could fast forward time in real life just like you can in Sims?" And she said to me, "No, because I don't want to fast forward through things. I want things to stay as they are for as long as possible." 
      At the time, when I was 6 or 7, I would be confused because I'd love the idea of being able to fast forward through boring things like school or horrible times like falling out with friends. Even now, I'd still love to do that sometimes. But then I remember what my mum said. 

Having my future so close I could almost touch it just makes me so nervous, excited and happy all at the same time. When we were in Yorkshire a couple of months ago, I remember thinking to myself that next year, when we're back in the same place again, things could be so different. I have no idea what's going to happen and where I'm going to be next March/April when I turn 16. And as daunting as that is, I love that feeling! I love having faith in God and where he's taking me and although there are so many hard things to deal with in life, the future really is what you make of it. 
"Instead of thinking of all the things that could go wrong, start thinking of all the things that'll go right." 

Today I woke up and my M.E. has taken a massive blow at me. I've been lying down pretty much all day because I feel quite ill and so exhausted, and this cold just doesn't seem to be going away. I felt so fed up because despite my cold, this past week or so I've been doing a lot better; and then all of a sudden I come crashing down. It's happened to me a few times before and I could see it coming, but I'm always too naive to believe it's going to happen again. 

But all day today, I've had the song "Warrior" By Demi Lovato in my head. This song sums up everything I tell myself and how I feel about my M.E. and about every other struggle. Every single line just reminds me to be positive and hang in there, and believe that things will one day get better, because they will. Like the picture at the top says - I have no idea what's going to happen... and I love it! 
      So instead of thinking negatively on the fact that things could go wrong any minute, embrace the rollercoaster that is life and don't forget to smile. 

Love, 
Ellie xxxx  

The Future

The future is one of those things that everyone has bittersweet feelings towards. It seems so daunting, so scary and so unpredictable; but then on the other hand it's exciting and empowering, because you can do whatever you want with it.

Most things that we aspire to do with our futures when we're young change by the time we turn 7, and then again when we're 10, then again when we're 13, and so on. But sometimes, there's that one dream that always seems to stick and even though it may be an unrealistic or very tricky dream to reach - you still have to dream it because without these dreams, we wouldn't have any motivation for the rubbish things in life.

      For example, when I'm doing Science homework or whatever and I really can't stand it and I just want to quit and say "You know what? Stuff it! I don't care if i fail my science GCSE!", I keep going, because without the two science GCSE's, I can't be a dancer. Don't ask me how that equates, but to get in to a college or school to do a dance A-level, you need 5 GCSE's. I'm only doing 5, so I need to pass all of them in order to train to be a choreographer.

The future is a beautiful place but only if you allow it to be. If you look at the future as a place filled with dreams-come-true and people you love, it can be a magical place. But if you look at it as a place filled with bills and money to earn and a boring life to live, it's a scary, daunting place. 
The future begins every single second. You're growing and changing every second. You're life moves on every second. So I think we should all do what we want and not wait for anything, because before we know it, we may have run out of time! 

We should all approach the future with an open and positive attitude, because if we do this we won't regret anything and we'll be happy with what we have. 

Until next time, 
Ellie x x x