Autumn...

So it's already the middle of September. How did that happen!? It seems like two minutes ago I was in Scotland back in February when I first started my blog. That was seven months ago... that's crazy. 

This year, I really have been on a crazy journey. Although sometimes it feels like I haven't moved forward at all, I actually have. Maybe not in terms of my M.E., but in myself I have moved on quite a bit. 

I love Autumn. I love the leaves turning from shades of green to shades of reds, oranges, yellows and golds. There's nothing more satisfying than going on a long walk, wrapped in coats scarves and gloves, standing on golden leaves that crunch under your feet. I remember when I was in primary school, mum and I would drive through the back lanes every morning and when it came to autumn, the trees surrounding us would look so gorgeous that we just wished we could stop and stay there all day to take in the beauty.

I love a lot of things about Autumn. My favourite month of the year is October, because it's when we're really in the depths of Autumn and the leaves are all reds and oranges, conkers are everywhere and so are pine cones. I just love the feeling of the air in Autumn... I've always loved it ever since I was little!
      I look forward to dark mornings and darker evenings, where you can sit by the fire in warm pyjamas watching favourite movies and clutching mugs of hot chocolate. I love how the mornings turn colder so you can see your breath, and the grass is dewy when you leave for school or work. 

At primary school, we sang a song called "Autumn days" in assembly in Autumn, and it was always my favourite song because it just said everything we all love about Autumn! I know, I know - I was a strange child, but who doesn't love Autumn?

What are your plans for Autumn? 

Love, Ellie
xxx

Holiday

I'm currently sat in the far end of our caravan, watching Zeus try to find a place to lie comfortably and listening to the wind pound against the walls of the van. Dad just turned the car engine on as he is off to a military museum and Zeus is up at the windows wanting to go with him.
      There's something about caravanning that just brings us all together and makes us happy. I don't know if its the fresh air or the fact we all work together to make this small space work, but it just brings me a peace and happiness. 

We got here on Friday evening in 50-60mph gusting winds and tried endlessly to put the awning up. It was so hard and when we eventually got all the poles up and sturdy, the canvas started coming out of the rail that the awning threads through, and we realised that it had come apart and was broken. So after 2 more tries, we gave up and all got moody and upset because, having Zeus, we can't camp without the awning.
       But then after a silent meal and a few comments, dad knocked it all together and managed to fix it (luckily). We really thought we'd have to go home.

On Saturday, I did my first ever flying lesson, in practice for my charity flight. Scary or what!?
I kind of got the hang of it after a while but it was very challenging, but also worth it.

Then on Sunday, we went to this old disused military airfield and because it was quiet and not a real road, dad let me have a go at driving the car! I got so excited, because I kept flashing back to when I was 7 and I'd sit in the car on the driveway, pretending to drive with the indicators and wiggling the gear stick. And now, 8 years later, I actually drove it properly with the engine on and the car moving. It's amazing how time flies!

Anyway, sorry for the kind of boring blog post, but I felt I had to write about this weekend as it was so fab!

Love, 

Ellie xxxx

PS: I actually wrote this blog post on Sunday evening, so at the time I was in the caravan but we're home now!

My Wonderful Mum

This is my mum (and me, of course.) Isn't she gorgeous? 

Now you see, my mum doesn't think she's gorgeous; but I know for a fact that everyone around her sees her as one of the most beautiful people on the earth - inside and out. I don't see why she doesn't see that she's beautiful, but I think she is, even when she does wear the clothes that I don't particularly like. My mum is always beautiful to me, and here's why...

Mum is a chef. 
She makes the most amazing meals, even catering for my fussy, healthy vegetarian diet that I'm seriously particular about. Everyone knows her for her famous Lemon Curd, Marmalade, Risottos, Slow-Cooker meals, soups, baking, and pretty much everything else you could think of making. Mum has taught me how to cook, and she has brought me up around one of my main loves in life - baking. I love to bake, and it's all thanks to my mummy... she taught me everything I know! 

Mum is a chauffeur.
Mum drives me everywhere, even when it's very, very inconvenient. I have a funny feeling that she'd drive me 100 miles away if I really needed to go and see someone. I love that about my mum. She'd do something as crazy and small as that, and only she would know how much it means to me. 

Mum is a counselor. 
Mum comforts me when I'm sad or crying, even if it's over the stupidest things; even if it's over a plug not fitting in to an extension cable with another plug in there (this actually happened, and yes, I'm not proud of it). She listens when I need to be listened to, and she responds when I'm looking for a response. She advises when advice is needed, and stays silent, still comforting me, when it is not. 

Mum is a nurse.
Even though my mum is squeamish and doesn't like the sight of blood or sick or anything gross, when it comes to her own children, she couldn't care less about the gruesome stuff. All she cares about is the health and happiness of her children; so much so that she always puts us before herself - even when I beg her not to! When I'm sick, she holds my hair back and comforts me, not scared at all of catching the bug. When I'm bedridden because of my M.E., she brings me everything I need without any complaints at all. No one could ever know how much that means to me, and words couldn't express it, either. It must be so frustrating to have to respond to a bell (not because I'm bossy, because I lose my voice and can't shout) and bring me the slightest thing, like an extra cushion or even some lip balm. 
      
When I'm angry and frustrated because I'm stuck in bed because of my M.E., she tells me to not worry about tiring myself out and to do things I love anyway, because it keeps me sane. Her love and encouragement is the best medicine, and without it I think my M.E. would have taken over me by now. 

But as well as all these things, mum is my best friend.

She laughs with me when something's hilarious or when either of us do something stupid. She comforts me when I'm upset. She tells me I'm beautiful when my self-esteem comes crashing down. She prays with me when I'm too tired to do it on my own, and always knows exactly what I want to say. 
My mum knows exactly what to do, what to say, and how to think in pretty much every situation. 

      I know that mum wishes she could wave a magic wand and cure me of my illnesses and make me happy and better again, but the thing she doesn't realise is that just being her is waving a magic wand in itself. I know she wishes she could make all my dreams come true and help me with everything, but sometimes she can't, and I understand that. The thing that makes my mum my mum, is all of the little things she does. 
I know she can't wave a magic wand. I know she can't fix everything. I know she doesn't think the same as I do all the time. I know she can't stop me from crying about little things. But none of that matters! My mum's love is everything I need in life, and I hate the thought of ever losing her. 

So, mum, if you're reading this... when I say "I love you" to you, the meaning behind it is all of the text you just read. Thank you for being there for me, thank you for being my driver, thank you for cooking so awesomely, thank you for helping me when I'm ill. Thank you for being you, and I hope you never let anyone tell you you're a bad person or even a bad mum, because... you're not. You're the perfect mum. 

"The only thing better than having you as my mum, is my children having you as their nanny." 

I love you mummy! I'm not afraid to admit that, and I never will be.

10 things I hate about you

"I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car, 
I hate it when you stare.
 
I hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme. 

I hate the way you’re always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry. 

I hate it when you’re not around,
and the fact that you didn’t call.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
not even close,
not even a little bit,
not even at all."

You must have seen this movie, right? Well, if you haven't... it's the best movie in the world. Or, one of the best. It's quite old - 1999 - but just... incredible. It's called "10 Things I Hate About You", and this is the poem that the girl reads at the end. 
          Ever since I first saw the movie, this poem has just hit me right in the heart. I think it's so clever, and it made me realise something. 

You can hate a million things about a person, but no matter how much you may want to, you could never actually hate them. You know what that's called? - That's called love. Family, for example. We all hate the way our dads sit and watch football when we want to watch Dancing on Ice or Glee, or the way they can't cook to save their lives (I'm not saying every man does either of these things, so please don't sue me). We all probably hate the way our siblings tease us, and tell tales on us to our parents when we do something wrong - even when sometimes it's them that's done the naughty thing. But at the end of the day, you hate the things about them, but you don't hate them. You can't hate them. 

I think when you hate things about someone, but would do anything for them despite all of it, then it must be love. It could be any type of love, but it's definitely love. Just remember that the next time you go to tell someone that you hate them, because "hate" is a very strong word; and besides, you probably don't even mean it that you hate them. You probably just hate something that they do... but not the actual person. 

Do you see what I'm trying to say?

Sorry it's kinda confusing today... I've been ill for the past few days. 
Until next time, 
Ellie x x x