Happy Birthday Blog!

It's a year ago yesterday that I started writing this blog. Can you believe that? My first blog was called Starting Out, and when I read it back I can't believe how different I was. I was worried that when I started my blog, people would read it and think I was weird. Now? I couldn't care less. I really, really don't care if people think it's weird.
      I love my blog - I love having a say in the world, sharing my thoughts, my story, my hope, my musings. It never fails to amaze me that people actually care to read what I have to say. How cool is that!? People have watched me grow through my words, my thoughts and my actions. Thank you so much if you've been reading my blogs - whether you've been here from the very beginning or since yesterday, I still really, truly appreciate it. 

My blogs used to be all about my musings and things I wanted to get out there. It was things that made me seem wise and in-the-know. But after a while, I decided I wanted my blog to be more personal. I wanted to share my story and make this an honest space people could come to and instantly feel like they know me like a friend; because, really, I'd love to be friends with all of you. 

This is just a short blog to thank you for joining me on my journey. I love sharing it with you all. I can't believe it's been a year! I've grown so much as a person and I'm so thankful for that. 

Lots of love to you all,

Ellie xxxx

This Time Last Year...

Seeing as I'm still not feeling well, I decided to do something different that didn't take too much energy. I went on to my (main) Twitter account and scrolled through right back to this time last year. 

I found a tweet from December 9th, 2012, saying "Thanks to my God sister for taking me to church today. Loved it!". Which means that, yesterday, it was a year ago I was rescued by the Lord. I was picked up, saved, rescued. I can remember standing there in the middle of the church, hearing hundreds of strangers sing and worship around me. My God sister, Alice, was raising her hands in worship and so was my mum. It all seemed alien to me, as it had been years since I'd been to a church and months since I'd last prayed. 
      I remember how I felt, getting ready for church that morning. I was broken and lost, tired and confused. Alice had stayed over the night before and we'd had a four hour catch up in the afternoon, because we were home alone. Alice and I hadn't spoken properly until I broke up with my boyfriend in the November of last year, and on this day - the 8th of December 2012 - we sat and talked, and talked, and talked. For hours. 
      I wasn't going to go to this new church the next morning, because I was too tired and scared of knocking myself out for the week ahead. But somehow Alice managed to convince me to go. 

So, there I was that morning, getting ready to walk in to the unknown. I remember sitting at my dressing table and straightening my hair, feeling nervous for some reason. I was sad from a break-up, tired with my M.E., and in a really bad, scary place. I took a deep breath and went downstairs. Mum and Alice told me that I looked nice, and then we set off.
The minute I walked in to this huge church, I was overwhelmed by the amount of people there were. Alice new everyone, which made me want to be like her - grown up; a Girl of God. 
People worshiped, people preached and spoke everything I needed to hear. All of a sudden, I just had this desire to be like everyone around me - I wanted to worship with all my heart and soul... I wanted to believe what I was singing. Right then, in that moment at church, I was rescued. I didn't know it at the time, but I was saved. 

I'll always be thankful to Alice for taking me to that service. 

Here I am now, a year later, still not perfect. My M.E. may be worse this year, but my God is still with me, and I know that now. I have my days of doubt, I have bad thoughts, but I have a saviour and I've let him in, finally. It was the best decision I ever made, going to church that Sunday. I'm rescued, I'm saved. 
      It's such an awesome thought that just one morning at church changed my life. When I have a bad day, I pray now, instead of wallowing in sadness. When I feel exhausted, I trust in God. I don't think there's any words to explain how much happier I am now than I was this time last year. Even though the circumstances may be worse than they were last year... I'm still happier, somehow. I've always been a Christian, but now I'm a Girl of God, too. I've taken time to apologise for things I've done, and I've wiped the slate clean with the help of Jesus. I'm alive because Jesus lived. I'm here today because of the love of Jesus. 

"You're the God who sees, 
The God who rescued me."

How great his love for me? How do I explain how great it is to be rescued like I was a year ago? I can't believe it was a year ago. I really can't. 

 When I was younger, this song was just something that people sang in church. I only sang it, because that's what I knew. But now I sing it because God is so, so, so incredibly good. This song means something now. Everything means something now. 

I'm a warrior.

Thank you♥

Yesterday, in America, it was Thanksgiving. Of course I live in England, and we don't celebrate it over here; but I think it's such a great holiday and I wish we did celebrate it here. It's a time to get all your friends and family together and give thanks for everything you have in life. 
      I thought that maybe, in honour of the holiday, I'd make a post about everything I'm thankful for. Things can be tough, but there's always the same things I'm thankful for that stay there and, hopefully, won't change. 

My family. 
I would post a picture of all the people I'm thankful for in my family, but I can't because there's so many of them! I have a huge extended family since my uncle re-married, and I love every single one of them. We're not majorly close, but I still love it when we get together and see each other as we all get along so well. 
My closer family, such as my mum and dad, brothers and their wives and little girl, etc. They've all always been there for me when I needed them most and I couldn't be more thankful for that. I love my family so much. I couldn't live without any of them. We laugh with each other, we cry with each other. It's always been that way. I love them so much.

My best friends.
I only have a few very, very best friends and I'm thankful for every one of them. 

 This is me and three of my best friends at my birthday meal earlier this year.(Our eyes all look slightly strange in this photo... because of the effect!)

On the left, next to me, is Chloe. Chloe and I have been friends since the beginning of year seven, right at the start, and we've had our ups and downs but I still love her to bits. I don't get to see her as often as I used to, but whenever I see her we just don't stop laughing. Literally. She's hilarious and we have such fun. 

On the right, opposite Chloe(and below), is Beth. 
  

 Beth and I have been friends since playgroup. We've always been best friends and have been through every single stage of our lives together. We had our arguments when we were younger, but we're close now even though we can't see each other as often as we'd like. Beth is awesome - she's hilarious, beautiful inside and out, and I know I can always count on her. 

At the front on the right is Rosie. 

  Rosie has been my friend since before I was even born!! I've known her for as long as I can remember and we got even closer when we were 13 and 15 and going through similar things. We just don't stop laughing when we're together, but we can be serious when we need to as well. This photo is from my birthday/Easter and we were overjoyed with the amount of chocolate we had. 

 This is Kathryn (left) and Becca (right), and their dog Masie. These girls are fabulous. I love them so much - they're hilarious but also the most down to earth, sensitive and caring girls I've ever met. I can always count on them, and when I get to see them I just have such an awesome time. 

It's Alice. I've known her since I was born, just like Rosie, and in fact Rosie, Alice and I used to play together all the time. I'm very close to Alice. She is a wonderful girl and I know that God is going to do some amazing things with her. She's always there to come and see me whenever I need her, but we also laugh hysterically at the craziest things. 

Finally, it's my friend in America, Angel. I don't have any photos of us together... which is so annoying! I video chat with her as much as I can, and she's always, always there for me when I need her. She always knows what to say. I can rant to her or anything and all she cares about is that I'm telling someone, not keeping it to myself. We laugh together and fangirl together and I know that she was brought to me by God. 

Thank you my amazing friends, and to all the ones I haven't mentioned here. I miss all the friends I don't talk to much anymore - you know who you are, whether you're from my primary school or you live all the way around the other side of the world - and I'm forever thankful for everything you've done for me. I wouldn't be here without you.


My pets.

 

This is Tigger. He is crazy, irritating, funny, gentle, fussy, sweet, grumpy, but most of all he's my little darling. He may annoy me more than anything sometimes but I love him so much and he really has got a heart of gold in there.

This is Zeus. He's the most awesome dog I've ever met and I absolutely adore him. He's gorgeous, cute, fluffy, sensitive, obedient, sort of annoying, smelly but cuddly and he always knows when to be crazy and when to be calm. He can be a bit dim sometimes, but that just makes him Zeus. He's extremely big, but he really is a gentle giant. We can always trust him with any situation and he just rocks!! You gotta love Zeus. 

Not forgetting our chickens, of course... I don't have a picture of them to share with you, but their names are Charlotte, Florence and Connie. Their eggs are so delicious and they are so great to just sit and watch. There's nothing more relaxing than sitting and just watching chickens. Does that sound weird? I don't think it does. Maybe it does... i don't know... aaaanywayyyyy...

My house.

I'm so thankful for our beautiful home and the view it has. Seriously... it's incredible. We've been so blessed with this house and I'm so thankful I've been able to grow up in a gorgeous place like this. 

Dance (and the girlies at dance).

I always look forward to dance every Monday night. Not just because it's dancing, either, but because we just have such a good time. It's been a fab term these last few weeks because two classes have been combined and I've made some new friends and it's all brilliant. Dancing is in my blood, and I'm glad I get to share dance with my friends. You know who you are lovelies. 

Music

Music is always there when nothing else is. Have you ever noticed that? I just think it's cool how there's a song for every single mood and every single situation. It's a brilliant, wonderful thing, music. I'm so grateful to be able to have music to listen to, but also to have the ability to write music of my own. 

All my friends I haven't mentioned. 

Some other friends I have that I'm not as close to as the ones I've mentioned here - I'm thankful for you too. All my friends on Facebook who support me in every hard situation and also every good one. I'm so glad I have you guys. Thank you.

Everyone who reads my blog.

I think it's so weird yet wonderful how people want to read what I have to say. I'm always so astounded when my blog posts get over 10 views; I'm like, "What!? You guys are so cool!". So, if you're reading this now... thanks!! I'm glad you like to read what goes on in my crazy life/wild heart. 

All in all... I'm so blessed to have all of these things/people, and more. Thank you, God, for everything we have and everyone we know. 

What are you thankful for? 

Being Thankful and Patient...

This week I have been overwhelmed with the feeling of wanting to share my passions and my love for God with the world. I've constantly been thinking "how can I help people?" "how can I be useful?", and asking God to give me the ideas and ways to do so. It's been really frustrating because I haven't been that well this week and it's been so annoying because all I want to do is get out and help people in every way I can. 

But when I went to church this morning, I asked, "how can I help people, God? I need to do this." And I just felt like He was saying to me, "Ellie, slow down - you don't need to do everything at once. You don't need to do it all yet; just be patient." 
      A few minutes later, the lady that was talking said, "this week, continue thinking how you can be gracious to people, how you can be gentle and show God's love to everyone you pass - in the streets, at work, at home, online...." etc. It really made me realise that helping people and spreading God's word doesn't always have to be big gestures and getting lots of people together. 
      It could be something as simple as holding a door open for someone. Something as simple as smiling to someone sitting on their own in the park, or saying hi to someone you haven't seen in a while. You never know what battles people are fighting, and sometimes a small smile can keep people going for a little longer. 

This past week I've been feeling like there's a timer for my opportunities, but now I realise that there really isn't, otherwise God would be giving me the tools to do it all! For now, I think I just have to wait, and do the little things while I'm waiting. I'll continue to send people random nice messages, smile at people, hold doors open for people, write blogs, share music. I hope that one day I can inspire and help people the way certain people have for me. 

On a different note, since yesterday I've just been feeling so thankful for all the blessings my family and friends have. 
      My parents and I went on a nice walk yesterday morning, and it was so beautiful. All the leaves were turning oranges, reds and golds and the sun was shining down on us. It was gorgeous, and I just remembered how incredible God's creations are. I think Autumn is one of His best creations, to be honest. Here are two pictures of the walk...

How beautiful are these trees!?!?
God is so amazing. So amazing. It was such a blessing to be on this walk yesterday because I got to see God's beauty and his amazing creations, which I rarely get to see because I'm often at home. 

Thank you, Jesus, for your love and our freedom. I'm so thankful for every beautiful thing that we are surrounded by. ♥♥

My Wonderful Mum

This is my mum (and me, of course.) Isn't she gorgeous? 

Now you see, my mum doesn't think she's gorgeous; but I know for a fact that everyone around her sees her as one of the most beautiful people on the earth - inside and out. I don't see why she doesn't see that she's beautiful, but I think she is, even when she does wear the clothes that I don't particularly like. My mum is always beautiful to me, and here's why...

Mum is a chef. 
She makes the most amazing meals, even catering for my fussy, healthy vegetarian diet that I'm seriously particular about. Everyone knows her for her famous Lemon Curd, Marmalade, Risottos, Slow-Cooker meals, soups, baking, and pretty much everything else you could think of making. Mum has taught me how to cook, and she has brought me up around one of my main loves in life - baking. I love to bake, and it's all thanks to my mummy... she taught me everything I know! 

Mum is a chauffeur.
Mum drives me everywhere, even when it's very, very inconvenient. I have a funny feeling that she'd drive me 100 miles away if I really needed to go and see someone. I love that about my mum. She'd do something as crazy and small as that, and only she would know how much it means to me. 

Mum is a counselor. 
Mum comforts me when I'm sad or crying, even if it's over the stupidest things; even if it's over a plug not fitting in to an extension cable with another plug in there (this actually happened, and yes, I'm not proud of it). She listens when I need to be listened to, and she responds when I'm looking for a response. She advises when advice is needed, and stays silent, still comforting me, when it is not. 

Mum is a nurse.
Even though my mum is squeamish and doesn't like the sight of blood or sick or anything gross, when it comes to her own children, she couldn't care less about the gruesome stuff. All she cares about is the health and happiness of her children; so much so that she always puts us before herself - even when I beg her not to! When I'm sick, she holds my hair back and comforts me, not scared at all of catching the bug. When I'm bedridden because of my M.E., she brings me everything I need without any complaints at all. No one could ever know how much that means to me, and words couldn't express it, either. It must be so frustrating to have to respond to a bell (not because I'm bossy, because I lose my voice and can't shout) and bring me the slightest thing, like an extra cushion or even some lip balm. 
      
When I'm angry and frustrated because I'm stuck in bed because of my M.E., she tells me to not worry about tiring myself out and to do things I love anyway, because it keeps me sane. Her love and encouragement is the best medicine, and without it I think my M.E. would have taken over me by now. 

But as well as all these things, mum is my best friend.

She laughs with me when something's hilarious or when either of us do something stupid. She comforts me when I'm upset. She tells me I'm beautiful when my self-esteem comes crashing down. She prays with me when I'm too tired to do it on my own, and always knows exactly what I want to say. 
My mum knows exactly what to do, what to say, and how to think in pretty much every situation. 

      I know that mum wishes she could wave a magic wand and cure me of my illnesses and make me happy and better again, but the thing she doesn't realise is that just being her is waving a magic wand in itself. I know she wishes she could make all my dreams come true and help me with everything, but sometimes she can't, and I understand that. The thing that makes my mum my mum, is all of the little things she does. 
I know she can't wave a magic wand. I know she can't fix everything. I know she doesn't think the same as I do all the time. I know she can't stop me from crying about little things. But none of that matters! My mum's love is everything I need in life, and I hate the thought of ever losing her. 

So, mum, if you're reading this... when I say "I love you" to you, the meaning behind it is all of the text you just read. Thank you for being there for me, thank you for being my driver, thank you for cooking so awesomely, thank you for helping me when I'm ill. Thank you for being you, and I hope you never let anyone tell you you're a bad person or even a bad mum, because... you're not. You're the perfect mum. 

"The only thing better than having you as my mum, is my children having you as their nanny." 

I love you mummy! I'm not afraid to admit that, and I never will be.