Find Your Passion

Someone once told me, when discussing what I wanted to do with my life, that you should always choose an in-demand career; something that people want and/or need. For example, a hairdresser, plumber, doctor, electrician, teacher, etc.
      At the time, I wanted to be a hairdresser, so this advice made me feel happy because it was something secure; something that I knew people would want in years to come.

But I've come to realise that while the safe and secure option is probably the most logical option to go for when choosing a career - I'd much rather do something I love, rather than something I hate just to keep me living.
      For ages, I've been saying that I want to be a teaching assistant, or a dance teacher, or a chef. As much as I am passionate about all these things, and as much as they'll make good money and are fairly secure... I don't feel like I'd be overly in love with the life I lived. I mean, sure, it would pay the bills and keep my head above water; but it wouldn't fill me with joy and it wouldn't keep my heart happy.

I think that, in life, you have to find your passion and run with it. No matter how much trouble it causes you, how hard it is to achieve, etc. I think it's very important to do something you love, even though it may not cover everything you need to cover. After all, I'd rather go to work every day, love it with all my heart and soul, and not make as much as I would as, say, a hairdresser. I'd rather do that than stick with the easy option and play it safe.
      I am in no way saying that hairdressing, dance teaching etc is easy; but, for me, that's the cop out - the back up plan. But I don't want a back up plan. I want spontaneity, passion, failures and wins.
I want to make music and speak to people through lyrics and my story. That's what I want to do. That's what I have to do.

It's a big, scary world out there, and sometimes it's even scarier when you know your dream is hard to achieve: when you know that you're going to be rejected, or you're going to fail sometimes. But I believe that if you find your passion and you feel you're called to do it, you have to take God's hand and trust in his love. Your faith and passion is all it takes. When your passion is calling you, do whatever it is you have to do, even if it means defying everything people expect of you.

"Find your passion and run with it."

"Get out and let your fear fall to the ground, 

no time to waste, don't wait, 

and don't you turn around and miss out

On everything you were made for,

I know you're not sure;

so you play it safe,

try to run away..."

I feel like God is calling me to pursue my music rather than anything else. I feel like (and hope that) God is going to use me through music. That's my passion, that's what I have to do.

If you feel called to do something - do it with all your heart. All your heart. 

Lots of love xxxx

PS. I hope you all had beautiful and blessed Christmases. I hope  you're having peaceful holidays. ♥♥♥

This Time Last Year...

Seeing as I'm still not feeling well, I decided to do something different that didn't take too much energy. I went on to my (main) Twitter account and scrolled through right back to this time last year. 

I found a tweet from December 9th, 2012, saying "Thanks to my God sister for taking me to church today. Loved it!". Which means that, yesterday, it was a year ago I was rescued by the Lord. I was picked up, saved, rescued. I can remember standing there in the middle of the church, hearing hundreds of strangers sing and worship around me. My God sister, Alice, was raising her hands in worship and so was my mum. It all seemed alien to me, as it had been years since I'd been to a church and months since I'd last prayed. 
      I remember how I felt, getting ready for church that morning. I was broken and lost, tired and confused. Alice had stayed over the night before and we'd had a four hour catch up in the afternoon, because we were home alone. Alice and I hadn't spoken properly until I broke up with my boyfriend in the November of last year, and on this day - the 8th of December 2012 - we sat and talked, and talked, and talked. For hours. 
      I wasn't going to go to this new church the next morning, because I was too tired and scared of knocking myself out for the week ahead. But somehow Alice managed to convince me to go. 

So, there I was that morning, getting ready to walk in to the unknown. I remember sitting at my dressing table and straightening my hair, feeling nervous for some reason. I was sad from a break-up, tired with my M.E., and in a really bad, scary place. I took a deep breath and went downstairs. Mum and Alice told me that I looked nice, and then we set off.
The minute I walked in to this huge church, I was overwhelmed by the amount of people there were. Alice new everyone, which made me want to be like her - grown up; a Girl of God. 
People worshiped, people preached and spoke everything I needed to hear. All of a sudden, I just had this desire to be like everyone around me - I wanted to worship with all my heart and soul... I wanted to believe what I was singing. Right then, in that moment at church, I was rescued. I didn't know it at the time, but I was saved. 

I'll always be thankful to Alice for taking me to that service. 

Here I am now, a year later, still not perfect. My M.E. may be worse this year, but my God is still with me, and I know that now. I have my days of doubt, I have bad thoughts, but I have a saviour and I've let him in, finally. It was the best decision I ever made, going to church that Sunday. I'm rescued, I'm saved. 
      It's such an awesome thought that just one morning at church changed my life. When I have a bad day, I pray now, instead of wallowing in sadness. When I feel exhausted, I trust in God. I don't think there's any words to explain how much happier I am now than I was this time last year. Even though the circumstances may be worse than they were last year... I'm still happier, somehow. I've always been a Christian, but now I'm a Girl of God, too. I've taken time to apologise for things I've done, and I've wiped the slate clean with the help of Jesus. I'm alive because Jesus lived. I'm here today because of the love of Jesus. 

"You're the God who sees, 
The God who rescued me."

How great his love for me? How do I explain how great it is to be rescued like I was a year ago? I can't believe it was a year ago. I really can't. 

 When I was younger, this song was just something that people sang in church. I only sang it, because that's what I knew. But now I sing it because God is so, so, so incredibly good. This song means something now. Everything means something now. 

I'm a warrior.

White Chocolate and Almond Cookies!

These cookies are definitely some of the nicest cookies I've ever made. Ever. 

They're crispy on the outside, and soft on the inside. Crammed full of white chocolate, they're so great to eat as a real sweet treat or give to guests at Christmas. Everyone will love them, I guarantee. You can use macadamia nuts or peanuts instead, as long as they're not salted. Hazelnuts will be very bitter in this recipe, so I wouldn't recommend them.

These cookies are really easy to make and so delicious.  I love them. 

Ingredients:

• 100g butter/margarine
• 75g caster sugar
• 75g soft brown sugar
• 1 large egg
• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
• 200g plain flour
• Pinch of salt
• 1/2tsp bicarbonate of soda
• 150g white chocolate, chopped (or white chocolate chips)
• Handful of sliced almonds

1. Heat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius/Gas 4/160 degrees fan oven. 
2. Beat the butter and both sugars together until light and fluffy. Then, add the egg and vanilla extract and combine.
3. Chop the chocolate before adding to the mixture, and then add the almonds, flour, bicarbonate of soda and pinch of salt. Mix well. 
4. Roll in to small bowls or just scoop out with a spoon and place on a greased baking tray. Flatten them with a fork or spoon to your desired size.
5. Bake for 11-14 minutes, cool on racks, and enjoy! 

 
 Tell me what you think of these cookies! I hope you enjoy them ♥
 

Come, Give me Wings

"I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father's hands
 
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
There's nothing I can't do
Nothing I cannot do

My hands my feet
My everything
My life, my love
Lord, use me"

This week/past few weeks have really quite horrible to me. I've had a cold for a week, and my M.E. just took a seriously big blow at me and now I'm on the sofa not moving or talking. It's so discouraging when this happens, and it's really hard to keep my faith. Really, really, really hard. I think this has been the hardest few weeks of my life. It sounds so over-exaggerated; I wish it was. 
It sometimes seems like no amount of praying, no amount of begging for my life and health back, is making a difference. I just want to get out and live, but most importantly, I want to make a difference in the world. That's all I want to do. I really don't know what else I'd do with my life, besides helping people. Especially seeing as it's Christmas time. The problem is,  I'm so ill at the moment, I can't do anything, let alone get out and make a difference. It's really disheartening and makes me feel so defeated. 

But, I'll continue to pray and I'll continue to fight. 

This song just says everything. I chose to post the acoustic version because I feel that it's a lot more raw, emotional and true. The lyrics are so beautiful, and give me shivers because I just want God to use me. I feel like I'm so ready to be doing something, even something small, to help someone or something. 
      Use me, Lord. Use me in my sleep, use me in my blog, use me in my music, use me in my dance, use me in my smile. Give me the health to help. I want to make a difference to someone's life. I want to let the broken know there's healing, once I've found it myself. I want to feed the hungry children. 
Take my dreams, come and give them wings. 

I beg the Lord every night that he will use me in some way one day. I'll continue to beg. I'll never give up, because it's what I want to do. 
I think this is the most honest blog I've ever written. I've shown how defeated I feel at the moment, and I've never really written that in my blog before. 
      But even though I feel defeated, at the lowest of lows, I'm going to keep going. I'm not a quitter anymore, I don't give up just like that. I'll keep going. I'll keep waiting for God to use me. 

I wish you all an amazing rest of the weekend, and hope it continues in to next week. Love all round xx   

Thank you♥

Yesterday, in America, it was Thanksgiving. Of course I live in England, and we don't celebrate it over here; but I think it's such a great holiday and I wish we did celebrate it here. It's a time to get all your friends and family together and give thanks for everything you have in life. 
      I thought that maybe, in honour of the holiday, I'd make a post about everything I'm thankful for. Things can be tough, but there's always the same things I'm thankful for that stay there and, hopefully, won't change. 

My family. 
I would post a picture of all the people I'm thankful for in my family, but I can't because there's so many of them! I have a huge extended family since my uncle re-married, and I love every single one of them. We're not majorly close, but I still love it when we get together and see each other as we all get along so well. 
My closer family, such as my mum and dad, brothers and their wives and little girl, etc. They've all always been there for me when I needed them most and I couldn't be more thankful for that. I love my family so much. I couldn't live without any of them. We laugh with each other, we cry with each other. It's always been that way. I love them so much.

My best friends.
I only have a few very, very best friends and I'm thankful for every one of them. 

 This is me and three of my best friends at my birthday meal earlier this year.(Our eyes all look slightly strange in this photo... because of the effect!)

On the left, next to me, is Chloe. Chloe and I have been friends since the beginning of year seven, right at the start, and we've had our ups and downs but I still love her to bits. I don't get to see her as often as I used to, but whenever I see her we just don't stop laughing. Literally. She's hilarious and we have such fun. 

On the right, opposite Chloe(and below), is Beth. 
  

 Beth and I have been friends since playgroup. We've always been best friends and have been through every single stage of our lives together. We had our arguments when we were younger, but we're close now even though we can't see each other as often as we'd like. Beth is awesome - she's hilarious, beautiful inside and out, and I know I can always count on her. 

At the front on the right is Rosie. 

  Rosie has been my friend since before I was even born!! I've known her for as long as I can remember and we got even closer when we were 13 and 15 and going through similar things. We just don't stop laughing when we're together, but we can be serious when we need to as well. This photo is from my birthday/Easter and we were overjoyed with the amount of chocolate we had. 

 This is Kathryn (left) and Becca (right), and their dog Masie. These girls are fabulous. I love them so much - they're hilarious but also the most down to earth, sensitive and caring girls I've ever met. I can always count on them, and when I get to see them I just have such an awesome time. 

It's Alice. I've known her since I was born, just like Rosie, and in fact Rosie, Alice and I used to play together all the time. I'm very close to Alice. She is a wonderful girl and I know that God is going to do some amazing things with her. She's always there to come and see me whenever I need her, but we also laugh hysterically at the craziest things. 

Finally, it's my friend in America, Angel. I don't have any photos of us together... which is so annoying! I video chat with her as much as I can, and she's always, always there for me when I need her. She always knows what to say. I can rant to her or anything and all she cares about is that I'm telling someone, not keeping it to myself. We laugh together and fangirl together and I know that she was brought to me by God. 

Thank you my amazing friends, and to all the ones I haven't mentioned here. I miss all the friends I don't talk to much anymore - you know who you are, whether you're from my primary school or you live all the way around the other side of the world - and I'm forever thankful for everything you've done for me. I wouldn't be here without you.


My pets.

 

This is Tigger. He is crazy, irritating, funny, gentle, fussy, sweet, grumpy, but most of all he's my little darling. He may annoy me more than anything sometimes but I love him so much and he really has got a heart of gold in there.

This is Zeus. He's the most awesome dog I've ever met and I absolutely adore him. He's gorgeous, cute, fluffy, sensitive, obedient, sort of annoying, smelly but cuddly and he always knows when to be crazy and when to be calm. He can be a bit dim sometimes, but that just makes him Zeus. He's extremely big, but he really is a gentle giant. We can always trust him with any situation and he just rocks!! You gotta love Zeus. 

Not forgetting our chickens, of course... I don't have a picture of them to share with you, but their names are Charlotte, Florence and Connie. Their eggs are so delicious and they are so great to just sit and watch. There's nothing more relaxing than sitting and just watching chickens. Does that sound weird? I don't think it does. Maybe it does... i don't know... aaaanywayyyyy...

My house.

I'm so thankful for our beautiful home and the view it has. Seriously... it's incredible. We've been so blessed with this house and I'm so thankful I've been able to grow up in a gorgeous place like this. 

Dance (and the girlies at dance).

I always look forward to dance every Monday night. Not just because it's dancing, either, but because we just have such a good time. It's been a fab term these last few weeks because two classes have been combined and I've made some new friends and it's all brilliant. Dancing is in my blood, and I'm glad I get to share dance with my friends. You know who you are lovelies. 

Music

Music is always there when nothing else is. Have you ever noticed that? I just think it's cool how there's a song for every single mood and every single situation. It's a brilliant, wonderful thing, music. I'm so grateful to be able to have music to listen to, but also to have the ability to write music of my own. 

All my friends I haven't mentioned. 

Some other friends I have that I'm not as close to as the ones I've mentioned here - I'm thankful for you too. All my friends on Facebook who support me in every hard situation and also every good one. I'm so glad I have you guys. Thank you.

Everyone who reads my blog.

I think it's so weird yet wonderful how people want to read what I have to say. I'm always so astounded when my blog posts get over 10 views; I'm like, "What!? You guys are so cool!". So, if you're reading this now... thanks!! I'm glad you like to read what goes on in my crazy life/wild heart. 

All in all... I'm so blessed to have all of these things/people, and more. Thank you, God, for everything we have and everyone we know. 

What are you thankful for? 

Performing

In a week's time, my friends and I will be at a dress rehearsal for our upcoming show. My dance school does a "showcase" every other year, and I have never missed one since I started at the dance school 11 years ago. It's always been one of my favourite times of year when the show comes around. Sure, learning the exercises and repeating them in class is fun, but there's nothing like coming together and learning the choreography for a dance, then rehearsing and rehearsing, and then finally - finally - it's the moment we've all been waiting for. 

I was stood in the studio the other day, in the imaginary "wings", watching as my teacher choreographed a part of the dance. I was thinking that one of my favourite parts of performing as a group at this showcase is the coming together. 
      We all have our differences in my class. Especially because two classes have been combined for our dance this year. Some of us get along really well, some of us don't. That's the way it's always been.
      But when it's the moment before we all head on stage, when the music is starting and our minds go in to dance mode; all of the problems or friction between us just seems to fade. We start working together, no matter what our differences. We all come together, with the lights shining down on us and the music filling our souls, no matter what happens in the lessons. We're a family, in those moments on stage. We're working together; we're all for one and one for all. *Que High School Musical song*
      Yeah, it's only two minutes on stage in most cases, but who cares? Those two minutes are what we've been waiting for for months on end. 

Last time around, we all danced to the "Pirates of the Caribbean" theme tune. It was a great dance to do as it was so theatrical and deep and really great. Our costumes were awesome too. 

This year, we're dancing to a beautiful, beautiful song from the newest "Fame" movie (I'll post it at the bottom). The lyrics are so lovely and I'm so glad we're dancing to it. I've been wanting to dance to it for ages! The choreography is beautiful, and it's definitely going to be a great finale. 
      Another great thing I love about performing together at the end of months and months of rehearsal is the feeling and joy we put in the dance. I always think, just before we go on stage, 'This is it... this is what we've been learning for!' It sounds so dramatic, like I'm talking about an Olympic medal, but it does feel like it at the time when you're called to come on stage. Backstage is fun too, because we're all so excited and hyped and busy and crazy. 

Everyone comes together that night. All our differences are put aside, and that's why I do it. That's one of the many reasons I do it.

Here's the song we're dancing to! Isn't it beautiful?

Ellie xo

Being Thankful and Patient...

This week I have been overwhelmed with the feeling of wanting to share my passions and my love for God with the world. I've constantly been thinking "how can I help people?" "how can I be useful?", and asking God to give me the ideas and ways to do so. It's been really frustrating because I haven't been that well this week and it's been so annoying because all I want to do is get out and help people in every way I can. 

But when I went to church this morning, I asked, "how can I help people, God? I need to do this." And I just felt like He was saying to me, "Ellie, slow down - you don't need to do everything at once. You don't need to do it all yet; just be patient." 
      A few minutes later, the lady that was talking said, "this week, continue thinking how you can be gracious to people, how you can be gentle and show God's love to everyone you pass - in the streets, at work, at home, online...." etc. It really made me realise that helping people and spreading God's word doesn't always have to be big gestures and getting lots of people together. 
      It could be something as simple as holding a door open for someone. Something as simple as smiling to someone sitting on their own in the park, or saying hi to someone you haven't seen in a while. You never know what battles people are fighting, and sometimes a small smile can keep people going for a little longer. 

This past week I've been feeling like there's a timer for my opportunities, but now I realise that there really isn't, otherwise God would be giving me the tools to do it all! For now, I think I just have to wait, and do the little things while I'm waiting. I'll continue to send people random nice messages, smile at people, hold doors open for people, write blogs, share music. I hope that one day I can inspire and help people the way certain people have for me. 

On a different note, since yesterday I've just been feeling so thankful for all the blessings my family and friends have. 
      My parents and I went on a nice walk yesterday morning, and it was so beautiful. All the leaves were turning oranges, reds and golds and the sun was shining down on us. It was gorgeous, and I just remembered how incredible God's creations are. I think Autumn is one of His best creations, to be honest. Here are two pictures of the walk...

How beautiful are these trees!?!?
God is so amazing. So amazing. It was such a blessing to be on this walk yesterday because I got to see God's beauty and his amazing creations, which I rarely get to see because I'm often at home. 

Thank you, Jesus, for your love and our freedom. I'm so thankful for every beautiful thing that we are surrounded by. ♥♥